Let's admit it, all of us have played the Victim at some point in our lives. "Why am I the only one that gets a speeding ticket when pulled over?" "Today, a bird pooped on my head. I've never seen that happen to anyone else! " "I never get invited to parties; no one likes me!"
This way of thinking is a victim mentality. From time to time, we will find ourselves playing the Victim, and as long as we snap ourselves out of it, then it is okay, but when it continues for days, that leads to weeks, that leads to years, we will remain the Victim until we decide to change.
Charles loves making me the Victim, and your Charles will try and put on the biggest pity party you've ever seen! Like I've said before, negative talk and pity parties are not suitable for the mind. It is essential to understand that the mind believes what it's told. You don't have to believe me; many Universities and scientists have many years of research and scientific proof.
A healthy body equals a healthy mind, and a healthy mind equals a healthy body!
Before I give you suggestions on how to be a hero, it is essential to understand that these suggestions will not work if you're not ready to make a change. Are you prepared to make a change?
What can we do to become the hero?
I want to give you some suggestions to consider.
1) Choose your words wisely. Cursing at yourself is part of the awareness, but I'm talking about the words used to talk to yourself daily.
"I don't think I can do that" You're not going to try out, are you?"
I've failed before; what makes me think I can do it this time?"
Please make yourself aware of this way of thinking, then get rid of it.
2) Watch out for words like "I should," "I can't," or "that's not me."
These language usages don't give you an option or a choice.
3) Giving ourselves a choice takes away the degrading blame that we place on ourselves, and this is the number one reason we have roadblocks getting to our goals and dreams.
Let's change that language from; "I should" to "I could"
"I can't" to "I don't," and
"That's not me." to "that might be me."
"I should exercise more - gives no choice.
"I could exercise more" - give you a choice. You are now telling yourself that, "I could exercise more if I choose to get up early before work," or I could exercise more if the gym didn't smell like dirty laundry."
I can't run three miles - gives no choice.
"I don't run three miles" - gives you a choice.
"I don't run three miles because I choose not to spend my time that way." or "I don't run three miles because I like biking better.
And, "that's not me" - no choice.
"That might be me" - gives a choice.
"That might be me if I choose to set my mind to it," or "that might be me if I didn't already have a path I'm pursuing."
Remember that giving yourself the ability to choose takes away the self-blaming that some of us put on ourselves.
When our Charles starts on the negative talk, how can we check ourselves to see if what we hear is true?
The best way to question ourselves to check for the truth. Faith Hill, a life coach from Taiwan, has four questions that I feel are instrumental.
1) Do I have proof of what I'm thinking.
Example: My best friend had a party, and I didn't get an invite, they must be mad at me.
Answer to question: No, I don't have proof; this is my thoughts.
2) Is there a better positive way of looking at this?
Answer to question: We have been friends for a long time. I could ask her about it.
3) Am I keeping this in perspective?
Answer: We have been through a lot worse. In perspective, this is minor.
4) Is there anything I can do to change what I'm feeling bad about?
Answer: Yes, again, I could ask her outright if I had done anything to upset her.
I hope you can see that these four questions are essential and can help reset your mindset but understand that you will remain the Victim if you can't be honest with yourself.
Being honest with yourself about what your thoughts are saying will make a more favorable outcome in your life.
Next time you find yourself playing the Victim, ask yourself these four questions, answer honestly, and let me know how it turned your thinking around.